


If They Did Surgery On A Grape

by 010302



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, and never touch a fic ever again in my life ., dont h8 moai emoji, for headscrack gc, if levi doesnt like this i will cry, mark is rlly weird uhhhh, may have made errors in characterisation ..., my first fic pls, probably angst later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 23:36:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16842685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/010302/pseuds/010302
Summary: alternatively titled , hiraeth.





	If They Did Surgery On A Grape

**Author's Note:**

  * For [llmt93](https://archiveofourown.org/users/llmt93/gifts).



> beta'ed by cookie who suffered through my mashed up parenthetical sentences and bad plotting .. n also ashley who first pointed out my typos on mobile
> 
> luh yuh cookie no homo and I love you ashley full homo

the bass of the club thrums rhythmically; the vibrations settling deep within mark's bones. strobe lights (or disco lights or whatever it’s called, mark's never really cared. unlike bambam, who screeches the proper term for any form of light whenever someone mixes them up.) flicker haphazardly across his countenance, and he has half a mind to abandon yugyeom in favor of going home to sleep. he's barely been out for more than thirty minutes courtesy of his youngest friend, who thought he was "a social recluse" and "needed to just get laid, hyung!" mark didn't have the heart to point out that yugyeom's long time crush was even more of a recluse than he was. the poor boy was already suffering enough as it is.

downing his last bit of whiskey, he stands up to leave, when a firm grip on his wrist pulls him back down. startled and annoyed, mark turns to level a glare at whoever had grabbed him. his eyes meets the gaze of a man who looked no older than he did, donning a ridiculous haircut, which mark would later learn was called a “mullet.” ("business in the front, party in the back." jackson mumbles thoughtfully, and the affronted noise of protest he receives sends him into fits of giggles). he's got piercings, cat-like eyes; his lazy smirk dangles from his thin lips which does wonders for the nervous knots already tangled in mark’s stomach.

he opens his mouth to snap at the strangerㅡor maybe blurt out a crappy pick-up line, he wasn't too sure himselfㅡbut was promptly cut off by the grip on his wrist tightening. "stay for a drink, on me." the (horrifyingly attractive, mark realises belatedly) stranger has the nerve to toss a casual smile at mark, as if his poor, gay heart wasn't confused enough. almost robotically, mark moves back to sit down clumsily; his eyes never leaving the other's face. even as he downs shot after shot of unidentified drinks. even as his brain-to-mouth filter weakens, and disappears altogether.

he's still staring when Attractive Stranger leans in, lips barely brushing the shell of his ear. "let's get out of here," he whispers, and an inebriated mark lets him tug him out of the club. they fall into bed together, for the first time. 

when mark wakes up the next day, the unfamiliar apartment is empty and a sticky note is present on the bedside table, carefully stuck between two painkillers and a glass of water. he reads it once, twice. a third time. scrunches up the note and takes the pills. mark goes home wearing day old clothes and proceeds to shower, furiously rubbing away at his skin and hoping the dark bruises littering his neck would disappear soon.

the note lays desolately in the bin outside mark’s apartment complex.

─

hey, sorry for not being there. i had to rush somewhere. there's painkillers, and you can use my shower to freshen up before heading home. don't worry about it.  
\- jaebum

xxx-xxxx-xx

─

"jackson?" an oddly familiar voice cuts through in the middle of another one of jackson's rambles. mark feels his heart stop, just for a second. he chooses to continue looking resolutely at his half finished slice of cake, allowing his friend to stand up and (loudly) greet Attractive Strangerㅡjaebum, his mind unhelpfully supplies. 

"hey, hey, mark! this is the guy i've been telling you about: im jaebum! we met in high school back when i moved here! this is mark, he's a foreigner like me, we met at university in those foreign programs and-" jackson goes off on a tangent, something about perfume bottles, and mark looks up at jaebum this time. jaebum’s staring back at him, the same eyes, except instead of the heavy gaze from the night in the club, it was more of a curious look: raised eyebrows and everything.

jackson invites jaebum to sit with them, and then promptly ditches them both to, and mark quotes: "save bambam! he's about to burn his house down!"

the awkward silence after jackson's departure is punctuated by a soft cough. "i was waiting for your call." jaebum's voice is rueful, and mark can see the embarrassed red tint on his cheeks. 

he rushes to explain himself. "no it's just-" the american struggles to find the right words for a while. "it was a one-night-stand?" an awkward cough. "i thought it'd be weird." he finishes lamely.

"i wouldn't give you my number if i didn't want you to call." jaebum says gently.

mark tries to say something in reply, but he's interrupted by jackson's return. "problem solved!" he exclaims cheerfully, before the conversation dissolves into yet another tangent.

mark doesn't speak another word to jaebum for the remainder of the afternoon, although more often than not his attention strays from the topic at hand to focus on the lighthearted way jaebum banters with jackson.

right before jaebum has to leave for a prior engagement, jackson invites him to one of their group's night out. jaebum glances over at mark for confirmation, nervous about imposing, and mark shrugs noncommittally.

the smile that had decorated jaebum's face afterwards had stayed on mark's mind for days after their second meeting, even if he doesn’t admit it.

─

of course, the next time they see each other is, yet again, at a club. this time, they aren't alone:  
jackson is chatting up the bartender, bambam is busy snapping pictures of everyone. youngjae is loudly laughing at whatever embarrassing thing jackson has done, and yugyeom is making heart eyes at jinyoung. mark takes a sip of his drink, which is a plain orange juice. jaebum excuses himself to go to the washroom.

jinyoung rolls his eyes at the whole group’s shenanigans, and later, while yugyeom is preoccupied with messing around with bambam, mark sees jinyoung stealthily swap out the youngest's nth shot of soju for a glass of water. he raises his eyebrows questioningly when the other meets his eyes, but jinyoung offers no explanation, choosing to remain silent, as usual.

he doesn't understand why the two of them are constantly in this push and pull, where it was so much more than friendship, yet still so far away from what both of them obviously want.

the thought is pushed out of his mind when jaebum returns, and challenges him to a drinking game. that same stupid smirk dangles from his lips like it did from that one night, widening to a smile when mark says yes. no one needs to know the way his smile sends mark’s stomach on an olympic gymnastics course.

and if they wind up tangled in each other’s arms the next day, well, that’s not anyone’s business either.

ㅡ  
fast forward a few more weeks, and they meet again.

it turns out jaebum’s been busy at his job. he tells mark about his recent trip over the sound of jackson and yugyeom’s screeching. mark doesn’t miss the way his eyes light up as he talks about his work, can see the pride he takes in it. even though he’s younger, jaebum’s already chasing his dream, while mark’s just stuck in a mediocre office job, living day to day with no clear aim.

something twists in his gut, and he takes a quick shot of soju, wrinkling his face at the unpleasant taste. “what about you?” jaebum is asking, and mark settles for shrugging. 

“nothing much.” he says dryly, and doesn’t explain further.

he’s not a very chatty person to begin with. if it was anyone else, they wouldn’t have batted an eye at his curt reply. but jaebum frowns and presses on. “well, anything planned?” the uncomfortable feeling twists tighter. when mark doesn’t reply, only shaking his head morosely, jaebum pauses. his next few words are slow, as if he’s picking them out carefully. “will you visit your parents soon?” 

jinyoung perks up from beside them. his eyes are glued to the screen of his phone, but mark can tell he’s listening to bits of their conversation. he should get mad, berate jinyoung for ignoring his privacy, but he can’t find it in himself to do anything except sigh. “maybe.” jaebum seems perturbed by mark’s lack of response, but he finally drops the subject and leaves to argue with bambam instead.

he swallows down the sudden urge to pull him back, the spike of jealousy bubbling up, and resigns himself to staring miserably at the table. jinyoung’s voice calling gets his attention, and he looks up; the younger’s staring at him now, all pretense of using his phone forgotten. his expression is unreadable, and mark levels a blank look back at him until he seems to frown and look back down at his phone.

ㅡ

morning light filters in through drawn curtains, and mark stirs. the feeling of sheets against his bare skin is foreign, although the bedroom he's found himself in is familiar.

he turns to see a mop of dark hair beside him, and yesterday's events flood into his memory. getting drunk, loose lips, heated kisses, rough grips.

jaebum wakes, and blinks up at mark blearily. "what time is it?" he asks hoarsely, eyes squinting into tiny lines. 

mark offers him a shrug, twisting in the sheets to glance over at the clock on one of the bedside drawers. "ten am. look, about yesterday,"

"let's talk about it after breakfast." jaebum sits up slowly, the duvet pooling in his lap. "i'll go make something; the shower's there." mark finds himself unable to do more than just nod and follow his instructions.

he mulls over everything whilst scrubbing himself down with strawberry scented soap. sizzling emanates from the kitchen outside, and he catches the muttered "fuck!" after the telltale sound of a pan crashing to the floor with a clang. it all seems so oddly domestic, and despite this being mark's second time in jaebum's apartment, he feels at home.

he shakes the thought out of his head and turns off the tap. 

ㅡ

"we could, uh. make this a thing."

mark drops his chopsticks in shock, the utensils clattering against the table noisily. he gapes at jaebum uncomprehendingly blinking owlishly and his poor scrambled eggs forgotten.

"i mean, it could be a thing. friends with benefits." he clarifies, still eating his breakfast as if mark isn't having a mini-mental breakdown at his dining table. "i'm not ready for a steady relationship, but i stillㅡ" at least the younger has the decency to flush, skirting around the key words clumsily. "and, we could, if you wanted."

mark knows he should reject the offer. he's been down this path before, and it's ended in nothing but ugly words and torn friendships. however, mark has never been good at saying no, not to the hopeful glint in jaebum's eyes anyway.

─

things are normal, at least for the first month. he goes to his job, and on saturdays he goes out with his friends, jaebum included. sometimes they just gather in a family diner, reminiscing (jinyoung reveals he'd known jaebum since they were children; bambam relives the horror of his childhood acting) and sometimes they go out to drink to let loose.

on those days, more often than not, jaebum ends up sidling up close to mark, with the two of them ending up tangled in the sheets and each other the next day. jaebum offers to make breakfast for two, mark declines politely, and the week repeats.

on special days, jaebum would show up at mark's door at nine pm, greeting him with a searing kiss, and they'd wake up bathed in the afternoon sunlight that streams through mark's bedroom windows, because he doesn’t believe in getting curtains.

(“i live so high up, what’s the point?”

“but who the fuck doesn’t get curtains--”

“i don’t.’

jaebum comes over one day with hideous flowery curtains and mark watches in horror as they take up permanent residence in his bedroom.)

it's routine. normal. except mark doesn't know how long this normalcy will last, and so he always shoots down jaebum's tentative offer to hang out later or the mumbled requests to stay longer.

“i’ve got to be somewhere,” he’d cajole, to a more sensitive jaebum. “no.” he’d reply bluntly to a desperate jaebum. most times, he doesn’t even bother to look back at the male as he leaves. mark doesn’t know if it’s because he feels guilty or because of something else that tugs on his heartstrings.

no strings attached always ends up with strings attached on one end. mark learned this the hard way, through countless sleepless nights and quiet heartbreaks and big blowouts that left him gasping breathless on the bathroom floor, clutching his shattered heart in shaking hands.

he's had quite enough of it.

ㅡ

three months in, and mark finds out, yet again, how impossible it is for him to say no to jaebum. the routine has evolved to include jaebum. the younger has somehow assimilated himself into mark's well planned life, and he doesn't know how it happened. 

ㅡ

it might've happened in the second month, the day mark woke up late for a meeting. jaebum had wrapped lazy arms around his bare torso, dragging the older back to bed.

"it's whatever, just call in sick today," he'd muttered sleepily, before drifting off again. usually mark would wrench himself out of jaebum's grip, ignore the hurt look that flashes across his face, but he finds himself lulled by the warmth and the security he feels in jaebum's arms. he barely registers the warning bells going off in the back of his mind as he falls back into a dreamless sleep.

ㅡ

"what are you and jaebum?" jinyoung asks curiously.

mark isn't shocked. considering all things, he's more surprised jinyoung hadn't broached the subject sooner.

"we're friends-" jinyoung's eyebrows furrow "ㅡwith benefits," he clarifies, watching as the younger's expression darkens.

"hyung," he starts, and mark already hates the concerned tone seeping out. he knows what the other's planning on saying, so he cuts it off. 

"jinyoung," there's exasperation in his tone. "it won't be like last time. it's purely no strings attached, you know?"

jinyoung shakes his head. "how do you know?" he counters, and mark feels oddly defeated. whatever he's told himself dissolves slowly, like a bitter tasting pill in water. it leaves behind a bad taste in his mouth.

it leaves behind emptiness and doubt.

he doesn't know.

he doesn't know a lot of things. doesn't know why jaebum chose him, doesn't know how jaebum feels about him, them. he doesn't know how he feels about jaebum, doesn't understand why jaebum asks him to stay even after being rejected so many times.

he doesn't know why he ends up staying.

"i don't," mark answers honestly, and the expression on jinyoung softens. he picks around his plate, half a cheesecake uneaten. "i don't. do you?" his expression is meaningful and his words carry a deeper connotation than just simple rebuking jinyoung’s words, and he knows jinyoung can tell, can see the way he prepares to fire back a quip.

“that’s not the same,” he says sharply, and for a second mark feels proud that he’s guessed it correct, even if it was so painfully obvious to any bystander. “you’re either leading him on or letting him lead you on, and one day it will come back to bite youㅡ” 

“the same could be said about you,” he cuts jinyoung off mid-sentence, unphased even by the piercing glare directed at him. they’re at a stalemateㅡjinyoung won’t back down, but at the same time where jinyoung is so quick to meddle in other people’s affairs, he hates when people point blank meddle in his, so mark plays that to his advantage. the split second of pride he feels when jinyoung concedes defeat is shadowed by the feeling that wells up when he sees jinyoung’s expression: a mix of guilt, shame, and heartbreak.

he wonders if he has the same expression when looking at jaebum.

**Author's Note:**

> hi levi this is 4 u muah
> 
> we've only been friends for like Three Months but in these three months you've been nothing but kind n nice even if u r very mean 2 me .. tht was contradictory . n e ways, thank you so much for three amazing months of friendship, here's to many more ahead, and happy birthday u big poopoo!!!!! sending my love 2 ur dumb incestuous southern state <3<3


End file.
